How to balance parental mental health with family life

A recent CDC study found that 1 in 14 children in the US has a caregiver with poor mental health, which is often associated with poor mental health in children.

Clint Trujillo, a parent, fell into depression after losing his brother to suicide.

“For me, honestly, it was hell,” Trujillo said. “I didn’t want to wake up in the morning. There was a point where I was honestly so low that I tried to push [my wife] go away and just do it and everyone will leave me alone because I didn’t want my misery to rub off on them.”

Trujillo knew that being a better father and husband meant taking care of his mental health.

“I know what it takes to dig out of that dark spot and how hard it is, but I’ve done it, I’ve come out the other side,” he said.

Dr. Laura White, a licensed clinical psychologist who works with children and adolescents with significant mental health issues at the University of Utah Health Huntsman Institute of Mental Health, noted that COVID-19 has made them insecure aspects of normal life.

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“I’m hearing from a lot of kids and teenagers who are really anxious and nervous,” White said. “The emerging research is that this is going to have really long-lasting effects on children and teenagers, this new generation.”

This uncertainty affects parents, who must channel these feelings at home.

White advises parents to let go of work and recognize the challenges of parenting in today’s world.

“Kids of millennial parents are dealing with things that didn’t exist when they were growing up, like cyberbullying and peer pressure from social media,” she said.

White suggests that parents prioritize their mental health by eating and sleeping well, talking to a stress expert and being good role models.

“All of those things put you in a space where you feel stable and your best kind of parent,” she said.

Non-verbal cues are also crucial.

“What’s the volume like? What’s the tone like? Because parents who are so angry and you can tell they’re going to explode — that’s really scary for a kid or a teenager,” White said.

Managing emotions can help children respond better.

“If you’re yelling, they’ll grow up, match you, so if you stay calm, the kids will stay calm with you,” she said.

White emphasized the importance of balancing mental health when setting boundaries.

“Parents often say ‘don’t do that,’ but then they don’t tell their kids what they should do instead or why this is a problem,” she said.

It’s also okay for parents to not always have an immediate response to a child’s stress.

“It means I care about this issue, I want to understand it, but I also don’t want to say the wrong thing or overreact,” White said.

For parents in Utah, there are resources available.

In severe cases of self-harm, call 988. Huntsman Institute of Mental Health offers resources through their intake line at (801)-585-1212, where an expert will evaluate you and direct you to appropriate care .

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